the TRUTH(recovery voice challenge) to Ed lies/distortion....

hers is the TRUTHs to my lies i apolagie for not postin before i should have so her they are
xxx Ciara xxx

I am your friend
T:What kind of friend destroys you your health and wants you dead,puts uou down makes you feel like crap, controls you makes you sick and miserable and punishes you for looking after yourself.

You are not thin enough
T:You ar thin enough everyone thinks so except the ed, the number will never be good enough for it . others look at you and think im not like her im not that thin.not getting your period is sign of being underweight.

You are not sick enough other people are sicker
T:how sick is too sick?i will never know the answer so its pointless trying to prove it to myself. the ed will never say i am bad/sick/thin enough. i cant judge others i cant live there lives. while some may be sicker i am also sicker than many ppl.

It’s under control I can stop at any time
If you could control it then why havent you stopped yet?

I feel ok I feel fine I don’t feel sick
T:Ed numbs you out and tricks you to make you feel ok. but your not healthy and your not ok.

That wont happen to me
T:Things have happened, things are and will continue to. eds do not discriminate, you are human too if you dont meet your needs you have things happen. osteoporsis and osteoarthris is not normal in a twenty two year old.

I will stop when I reach my goal weight
T:How many goal weights have you set?Anorexia is an endless goal once you reach it it sets a new one its never lets you feel satisfied.

Its just a temporary diet not a serious eating disorder
T:If it was temp then since when did temp turn into a lifetime.diets do not consume ppl make them stop socialising sick and unhealthy and go to exetrems and punish themselves.

I give up I tried I cant do it what’s the point life with an eating disorder is easier
T:You can but you wont and are scared thats ok.recovery has ups and downs but ppl do fully recover. you cant go back with awareness.

I need it to survive
T:No you are you, you are clever funny creative bubbly preetyy good, the ed takes this from you and steals you potential and vitality. normal ppl cope everyday without behaviours so you can too. in time old behaviours will be replaced by new healthy ones. it needs you to survive.

I wont cope with normal eating or weight gain
T:yes you can think of everything you have dealt with to reach this point that took strength and will power. use this determination for recovery.you can do this.

It makes me feel calm and relaxed and in control
T:you feel numb. do you want to miss on life and not experience love or joy?

I don’t have a problem
T:Distortion. do normal ppl bas there worth or feelings on what a scale says, strive to be underweight, restrict excercise purge to exetremesuntil there body is physically and mentally exhausted valuing thinness over healtha and happiness?

I don’t deserve help
T:you do the ed will never let you see that it wants to keep you trapped. you deserve it like everyone else. you are worth so much more than this.

I can do recovery alone
T:how did that work out for you last time? how is it working it out now?

Noone gets it I haven’t met anyone that really understands or a T I like
T:most likely the common demoniater is you and your resistance.ppl want to help you but ed thinks likewise he hates to be challenged.

Im in treatment and nothing is changing
T:you are making progress but ed wont let you see thisso it fights back harder than ever and makes you think things are worse. as for change you have to want to change and be willing to put the work in in order to see change not compromise with the ed or make a half assed attempt at recovery.

I like the way it feels
T:itsa false sense of control and happinesss that really once the high wears off leaves you feeling sad hungry lonely tired weak obsesses and lost.

I only feel beautiful hungry
T:you are beautiful just the way you are when you are at your happiest and healthiest.

It makes me loveable sociable and wanted
T:no it makes you irratble self centred isolate afraid no fun cranky tired after a while ppl dont want to be around you.

It numbs the pain/It makes me feel strong
T:for now maybe but it always comnes back and worse....recovery is a sign of stregth undoing a life time of behaviours therefore those that chose to recover are showing they are stronger than those who chose to remain sick.

I just want to be alone
T:it wants to isolate ppl. ppl need ppl.

Anorexia/not eating/losing weight is an achievement
T:really?dont you want to make a difference in the worls , be known for more than being thin sick and having ed.

I feel lost without it, the eating disorder is me I am the eating disorder
T:in recovery you learn about yourselfand you will be ok.

I won’t cope without the eating disorder/scales/behaviours
T:you will you will be ok you are ok.

I just want to be perfect
T:perfection does not exist can you even logically define it?recovery does not have to be done perfectly there is no such thing as a mistake.learn and move on.you are perfect the way you areppl like the weird unqinue things about you.

I just relapse anyway or start binging and lose control so I wont try recover
T:how do you know you wont?try and see you have help to do it this time so that that does not happen.

I don’t want to be fat or people to see me im worried what they will think
T:ppl dont notice your body or care what you eat or weigh. they see you and your personality and style etc... thats what they like about you, they may want you to gain cause they are worried but wont abandon you if you do or think any less of you they will respect you more.

Ill start tomorrow ( meal plan/recovery/not exercising or purging or cutting)
T:how long have you been saying that if you ciontinuosly ''start tomorrow'' tomorrow will nev come as it will always be only today. a year from now you will be in the same position and wish you had just done it.

Just once more is ok
T:this drives me deeper into depression and obsession. once more leads to twenty more times. how can you justify doing a behaviour day in day out you cant break a habit that way.

Im too fat
T:have you scientifiic proof you are?ppl think you are underweight therefore you cant trust your perception right now. ed picks at nothing you have no more fat to lose. other girls look at you and want to look like you so your not fat at all.

I need to exercise, purge, restrict cut it makes me feel good
T:no your body needs at leat one thousand two hundred cals a day to function.you wont gain if you have no behaviours. your body knows what to do trust it. behaviours damage the body and make you gain in the long run and set you up for weight probs in the future. if you over eat then thats a bonus your body need nourishment.

I don’t care anymore
T:why are you still here if you dont, the healthy part of you cares.

Noone really cares about me
T:your team friends family all care and love you and would be devasted if something happened to you.

Im not five stone so cant be anorexic
T:i am anorexic i am one of those ppl i have bad bloods which my body is only maintaining cause its using vitakl organs and functions to keep going, these could drop dangerously low at any time and i wont know cause i have no body mind connection. my behaviours and mind set indicate i am anorexix its not about food or weight.
__________________
It does not matter how deep you fall, what matters is how high you bounce back

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be okay
Together we can make it through another day

Im doing my best, holding onto a thread thats stretched a little too tight

striving for perfection is demoralizing
I want to feel safe in my own skin, to be happy again

xxxcirxxx
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#11 11-06-2009, 11:50 AM
xxxcirxxx
TETRA-FISHY Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 1,228

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I must exercise after any food
T:excercis is just as bad as all the other behaviours and just as dangerous and addictive.

I don’t need to keep trying to recover until it gets really bad
T:but in the meantime you lose time.you will sink deeper without realising. you cannot accurately predict the damage you are doing to yourself. electrolyte imbalances can kill at any weight.

Anorexia and bulimia is a choice that can be controlled
T:the very definition of having an ed involves the person being unable to control or stop the disordered behaviour. ppl in the depths of anorexia or bulimia cannot just snap out of it. its not as simple as eating again and your better. eds a re primerily based on emotional issues.

Engaging in anorexic behaviours wont hurt me unless im very underweight
T:weight is not a good indicater neither is your perception of what you look like. electrolyte imbalances and malnutrition kill at any weight. think of the ppl dead who said this.

I am only hurting myself so what’s the problem
T:eds hurt your friends and family they dont want to watch you suffer.it causes worry and resentment, ruins family ocassions. ppl would be devasted if something went wrong.

You can tell if someone has an eating disorder by looking at them I don’t look that way
T:eds are mental illnesses. the media has sensationaled them to make many believe you have to skelatal in appearance to suffer get taken seriously or get help. thee are many stages to these illnesses, a person may be healthy in appearance, in recovery, eating, yet still be grapling with and ed.

Eating disorders are effective forms of weight control
T:This not true! thay screw up you meatbolism and set you up for weight gain in the future if you dont fix it before its too late.it causes delayed emptying of the stomach and long term digeative system damage. restricting also lead to binges.

Refusing to eat makes mw strong I make the rules I am in control
T:in reality the ed is in control. these illesses make you a desperat selfish liar.

Everything is so messed up anyway I cant see it getting any better
T:there are ppl that can help if you reach out. you can change, you can make progress, you can build a new life for yourself.

I will feel better when im thinner and lose weight
T:losing weight cause more probs on top of existing ones.eds do not and will make you feel good about yourself even at your goal weight you still wont be happy.

Im fine people just jealous
T:you are not. they want to help to see you happy and healthy. do you feel happy?

Scary thin will make people see im hurting
T:ppl interpret weight loss as superfisial vain and obsessedwith your appearance. learn to use your voice and ask for help instead.

Im a failure if im not good enough/thin enough/pretty enough/perfect
T:everyone makes mistakes and stuffs up sometimes its called being human. you do the best you can do.

You ate waaaayyyy too much you need to purge exercise or fast
T:no matter what you ate it will even out over the week. it will not make you fat over night.it will do you no harm. your body may have needed extra nourishment to heal. this is not control this is slavery if you let the ed win. you can cope.

I had a difficult day today its ok if I restrict
T:its never ok to make excuses to hurt yourself. if i can get through this in a healthy way i will learn to cope with life and become stronger.

My happiness is determined by the number on a scale, size of my clothes, how thin I feel, how little I eat, how much I exercise
T:ppl love you for being you. therefore if you accpet yourself you feel happy and content that will satisfy you and make you happy.

Being thinner made me more attractive
T:huh?your hair feel out, breathe smelled, dry dull skin old looking tired, thats attractive?

Im terrified of weight gain I wont cope
T:you have coped with far worse in life of course you can cope with this. it will be ok and far easier than you ever imagined. gaining weight gives you the freedom to start living fully.

If im not thin im mediocre
T:eds starve you of you true strengths and potential. as you get better you can grow into the amazing free person you were meant to be, your life is too small for someone of you talents and potential.

Starvation is the only way I can cope with my problems
T:if food was the only way to cope with stress and difficult emotions then everyone would have ed. ppl cope everyday with probs in a healthy way everyday even tragedies, if they can do it so can i.

I will never have a normal relationship with food
food is fuel not to be feared. in time your body and mind will adjust to anew diet and increase in cals. food for pleasure and food for hunger are both ok. at the start mechanical eating is required to restore hunger and fullness signals.

Food equals weight gain
T:weight gain is caused by long term restriction as the body stores fat. eating every two to four hours increases the metabolic rate and keeps the body burning fat, healthy and hearts pumping. you can excercise for hours but adequate nutrition a balanced diet is what maintans a slim figure not starvation.

If I could juggle work college social life and have an eating disorder than I must be really strong therefore I do not need to recover
T:that may be true that at ths point you are but you never get an satisfaction out of anything you achieve. life simply passes you by, and ppl leave you behind and move on. the only thing that makes you feel good is the scales. you are just surviving.

Im not a good person
T:since when does weight define whether your a good person? looka t all you do for the world and you will see that you are.

I don’t deserve to recover
T: simple you do!

My meal plan is too much I feel like im constantly binging
T:everything is too big for ed nothing is too big for ed he talks shit your N is helping you trust her.she is not going to set you for binges.

They are trying to make me fat
T:no they want to make you better healthy does not make you fat. why would they want to make you fat thats very illogical conclusion.

I don’t deserve to be happy
T:isnt that the point of the ed to feel happy why not try a new way see if it actually works?

Im ugly worthless and disgusting I deserve to be punished
T:define beauty?as before noone deserves this end of!

You ate breakfast its ok to skip lunch or half do meal plan/Only eat half/ lie to N and T keep your control
T:dont compromise with the ed. its not enough your body need more.

People wont care about me when im bigger/recovered/ eating normally/not sick
T:yes they wont worry or fuss but they will want to spend more time with you for the right reasons not to keep an eye on you or cause they are worried. and they will respect you more for fighting and not giving up. you will be an inspiration.

My familysabotage my efforts anyway so why try recover
T:they dont mean to they just dont know what to do. you chose how you react to ppls actions and comments.

Ill never trust others or myself
T:you can learn there is time. trust sounds better than self doubt.

I didn’t do well enough in college etc so therefore I need to hurt myself
T:you did yiu just dont see it. ppl are proud of you you should be too. you do the best you can and that is good enough.

Everyone is on diets these days, everyone counts calories and exercises
T: not all of these have ed and go to exetremes and dangerous behaviours. in recovery you learn how to live free from diets sound good huh?

Im not strong enough/I cant live with or without the behaviours
T:you are you got throgh the time readin this post right? just keep thinking five more minutes.... i am ok.

I don’t want recovery one hundred percent ill start recovery when I do
T:you wont at the start but as you go on you will keep at it....

I don’t get hungry
T: you do you just choose to ignore and numb it. you have messed up you hunger signals so it will take time to get them back.