New Year and Deserving

Hi Lovelies,

Just a bit of reflection on New Year and the thoughts, reactions and more recently learning it has provided me over the years.

Last night group was opened with the most wonderful prospect. Gorgeous smiled M revealed such a wonderfully enlightened quote “the best is yet to come for me”. It is so so true M, in recovery we really do have everything to gain. I think that this is such a beautiful and hopeful mantra to carry with us through life no matter what situation we’re in. Wouldn’t that be lovely; a prospect of continuous and possibly even heightened contentedness always ahead of us.

As always, group was so full of inspiration and learning. I cannot thank "funny M" for stating the fact that she had got what she deserved. Yes indeed lovely you did, and I’m so delighted for you. For me, I think that in terms of self love, credit and recognition is possibly one area that I have neglected slightly and I’m so glad that it was brought to my attention. I think for a while, I felt a bit uneasy that I had been blessed with full recovery, but I too really did just “get what I deserved” and it really does feel bloody good revealing and affirming it to myself, so thanks M for that invaluable bit of inspiration and wisdom. There is no need for me to feel guilty or uneasy about my full recovery, because each and every person who is fighting the condition with determination, motivation, and above all persistence and patience will too get what they deserve. Isn’t that fantastic, it WILL happen!!

The new year has been a point of angst in my life, for as many years as I can remember. There was always some area of my life that I had failed in, and no matter what, or however numerous my achievements were my conditions distorted thinking always managed to override them with the magnified negative alternatives. But to ruminate over the previous year was BUL*S#IT, and certainly not the point of the occasion, the clue was always there, in the name.

Called NEW YEAR not LAST YEAR for a reason, new year is for looking forward.

Reflection and learning from the year past, is always important, but not if it is only done with the intent to create reget, guilt and self-anger. Looking forward to the new year, full of hope, optimism and wonder is a much more useful and beneficial state of mind to carry with us into the year that lies ahead. Imagine the chance to enter into an as-yet completely unwritten reality. One which we get to create, dictate and embellish in whatever way we like! EEEK-EXCITEMENT!!!

New year is about CHANCES AND OPPURTUNITIES and the possibilities and excitement offered by the unknown.

For me, 2010 will not be about creating more rules, regulations, shoulds and expectations. While it may not be the case for everyone, resolutions only every loaded pressure and unrealistic expectations on myself, which I would inevitably not succeed at, providing guilt and more fuel for the ever-alert conditions radar to pick up on--providing PROOF that I was a Failure. Thankfully I am now aware that this is and always was BUL*S#IT. With the passing of another year-there is always growth. On reflection, while if provided many challenges for me, I have chosen to realise 2009 as the year that for so many reasons I found my smile!

With that, I let go of ’09 and embrace the New Year. This year I have HOPES, ASPIRATIONS and WISHES. And this way of thinking has not only heightened my excitement but also alleviated many fears that I may have of what 2010 could bring.

Be it good, bad or indifferent, I trust myself and the tools within me to cope with whatever 2010 has to offer. If challenges await me, then at least they will offer me a chance to learn something about myself, and realise further the strength that I have within me. However, EEEEK- I’ve a burning feeling within me that this year will be a great year. And personally I CANNOT WAIT to create the millions of memories that await me!! Bring it on!!!

Yes, indeed- The Best is ALWAYS yet to come!

Thanks for Reading, and for providing so much inspiration throughout 2009.
Hugs, and Billions of Best wishes for a HAPPY HEALTHY AND HOPEFUL 2010.
Saoirse X