Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a huge piece of my jigsaw puzzle to create my landscape of freedom. Forgiveness for me is standing out on my own and crying tears of unacknowledged hurt, unspoken sometimes hidden actions, and letting the tears roll and flow and be validated by your own inner carer and be comforted by you too. You may think your pain is imagined, distorted, unreal, unjustified, insignificant, the mark of victimhood - I've certainly rejected myself and my feelings with all those thoughts but persistence from the pain reiterated the truth. I have no intent to hang someone out to dry, or see someone punished, I know I have myself to forgive too both now and in the future, but I know longer wish to choose to leave myself chained to the fossils of the past. I want to embrace my mature, assertive, calm, sure, relaxed, decisive self. I can't embrace that woman and remain an associate of invalid pain and bitter opinions.

There is a choice for each of us be it something seemingly small or seemingly big: please comfort and console your own pain and know that the only thing between you and your enchanting future is not an apology from another but tender loving care and respect for yourself and a decision to trade in the 'sh*t' you hold over another for a much more pleasant, mature and self satisfying experience. It's you who will reap the rewards of releasing the past not the person you are supposedly letting off the hook. This is something that gives totally to you, you're the one who cashes in on the year end profits - your enemy exists at a totally different frequency to you now.

Marie said to me to not rush or force forgiveness, I understand her now. Forcing forgiveness would be akin to attempting to make a new born check itself out of the maternity ward, instead credit yourself for having the intent to either forgive or willing to have the intent and in the meantime visualise the life you will lead once you have crossed the bridge of forgiveness. Forgiveness is what suits you, your model, your interpretation, definition - definitely not someone elses.

Always remember Mandela - he was unfairly imprisoned for 3 decades I'm sure he raged and sobbed and despaired but eventually he seized his own power and forgave his captors in spite of themselves - his choice, his decision, his resting place and look where he landed and what he achieved - hate and resentment may be the thrilling hare but forgiveness is the lasting and victorious tortoise.

Forgiveness has you as its main share holder and primary stake holder - forgiveness is for YOU
Joyce x